Gardeners plan, Weathermen laugh

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I was ready.  Gardening clothes pulled out of their basket.  Muck boots lined up by the door.  Garden gloves at the ready.  Mental exercises (to get psyched up for doing battle with burs and thistles) completed.  Let the gardening commence.

Oh, wait.  First, I have to fix the tractor tires; three were underinflated and one was completely off the rim.  Launch YouTube.  Find video on how to inflate unseated tire.  Dig up a tie-down strap and find a screw driver.  Locate battery-powered tire pump.  Locate battery-powered tire pump...battery.  Whose dumb idea was this?  Locate car jack.  Weave and climb around two motorcycles and a ladder to retrieve the jack (how is it that with two cars in a four-car garage we still can't get at the tools?).  Weave and climb, while carrying heavy car jack, back to the tractor.  Is it time to start drinking yet?  Put a tourniquet on the completely flat tire.  Oh, first, jack up the front end of the tractor.  NOW, put a tourniquet on the flat tire.  Seriously, that's what YouTube says (only it took me more than 1:38)!  It worked!

Now I can start gardening.  Take tractor for a spin to make sure the tire is good to go - check.  Hook up trailer (yes, there are so many weeds that I need a trailer) - check.  Pull old lady gardening cart (best.tool.ever) out of the garage - check (oddly enough, ALL of the pictures showing an older white-haired woman weeding her garden from the seat of the scooter have been replaced by young women and young men working around the house).

Cut back peppermint.  Drip.  Pull three weeds.  Drop.  Dig up gargantuan thistle. Drip, drip.  Look at the sky and give it dagger eyes.  Drip, drip, drip.  I'm not made of sugar...won't dissolve...keep going.  Trim oregano, pull dandelion.  Wipe away rain running down forehead.  A little water can't slow me down.  Start edging the herb garden.  Hmm.  My tractor seat is getting pretty wet..wet underwear...ewwwww.  Unhook trailer and tip it up (so it doesn't hold water).  Put tractor in the garage.  Move garden tools into the garage.  What?  The rain stopped?  Weatherman should lose his job.  Grab secateurs (that's British for "gardening shears"...thank you Gardener's World) and deadhead roses.  Drip.  Seriously?  Deadhead dahlias.  Drop.  Okay, I give up.  I'm going to go knit.


 

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